A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
by Mark Twain
Chapter 10 - Beginnings of Civilization
HE Round Table soon heard of the challenge, and of course it was
a good deal discussed, for such things interested the boys. The king thought I ought now
to set forth in quest of adventures, so that I might gain renown and be the more worthy to
meet Sir Sagramor when the several years should have rolled away. I excused myself for the
present; I said it would take me three or four years yet to get things well fixed up and
going smoothly; then I should be ready; all the chances were that at the end of that time
Sir Sagramor would still be out grailing, so no valuable time would be lost by the
postponement; I should then have been in office six or seven years, and I believed my
system and machinery would be so well developed that I could take a holiday without its
working any harm.
I was pretty well satisfied with what I had already accomplished. In
various quiet nooks and corners I had the beginnings of all sorts of industries under way
-- nuclei of future vast factories, the iron and steel missionaries of my future
civilization. In these were gathered together the brightest young minds I could find, and
I kept agents out raking the country for more, all the time. I was training a crowd of
ignorant folk into experts -- experts in every sort of handiwork and scientific calling.
These nurseries of mine went smoothly and privately along undisturbed in their obscure
country retreats, for nobody was allowed to come into their precincts without a special
permit -- for I was afraid of the Church.
I had started a teacher-factory and a lot of Sundayschools the first thing; as a
result, I now had an admirable system of graded schools in full blast in those places, and
also a complete variety of Protestant congregations all in a prosperous and growing
condition. Everybody could be any kind of a Christian he wanted to; there was perfect
freedom in that matter. But I confined public religious teaching to the churches and the
Sunday-schools, permitting nothing of it in my other educational buildings. I could have
given my own sect the preference and made everybody a Presbyterian without any trouble,
but that would have been to affront a law of human nature: spiritual wants and instincts
are as various in the human family as are physical appetites, complexions, and features,
and a man is only at his best, morally, when he is equipped with the religious garment
whose color and shape and size most nicely accommodate themselves to the spiritual
complexion, angularities, and stature of the individual who wears it; and, besides, I was
afraid of a united Church; it makes a mighty power, the mightiest conceivable, and then
when it by and by gets into selfish hands, as it is always bound to do, it means death to
human liberty and paralysis to human thought.
All mines were royal property, and there were a good many of them. They had formerly
been worked as savages always work mines -- holes grubbed in the earth and the mineral
brought up in sacks of hide by hand, at the rate of a ton a day; but I had begun to put
the mining on a scientific basis as early as I could.
Yes, I had made pretty handsome progress when Sir Sagramor's challenge struck me.
Four years rolled by -- and then! Well, you would never imagine it in the world.
Unlimited power is the ideal thing when it is in safe hands. The despotism of heaven is
the one absolutely perfect government. An earthly despotism would be the absolutely
perfect earthly government, if the conditions were the same, namely, the despot the
perfectest individual of the human race, and his lease of life perpetual. But as a
perishable perfect man must die, and leave his despotism in the hands of an imperfect
successor, an earthly despotism is not merely a bad form of government, it is the worst
form that is possible.
My works showed what a despot could do with the resources of a kingdom at his command.
Unsuspected by this dark land, I had the civilization of the nineteenth century booming under its very nose! It was fenced away from the
public view, but there it was, a gigantic and unassailable fact -- and to be heard from,
yet, if I lived and had luck. There it was, as sure a fact and as substantial a fact as
any serene volcano, standing innocent with its smokeless summit in the blue sky and giving
no sign of the rising hell in its bowels. My schools and churches were children four years
before; they were grown-up now; my shops of that day were vast factories now; where I had
a dozen trained men then, I had a thousand now; where I had one brilliant expert then, I
had fifty now. I stood with my hand on the cock, so to speak, ready to turn it on and
flood the midnight world with light at any moment. But I was not going to do the thing in
that sudden way. It was not my policy. The people could not have stood it; and, moreover,
I should have had the Established Roman Catholic Church on my back in a minute.
No, I had been going cautiously all the while. I had had confidential agents trickling
through the country some time, whose office was to undermine knighthood by imperceptible
degrees, and to gnaw a little at this and that and the other superstition, and so prepare
the way gradually for a better order of things. I was turning on my light one-candle-power
at a time, and meant to continue to do so.
I had scattered some branch schools secretly about the kingdom, and they were doing
very well. I meant to work this racket more and more, as time wore on, if nothing occurred
to frighten me. One of my deepest secrets was my West Point -- my military academy. I kept that most
jealously out of sight; and I did the same with my naval academy which I had established
at a remote seaport. Both were prospering to my satisfaction.
Clarence was twenty-two now, and was my head executive, my right hand. He was a
darling; he was equal to anything; there wasn't anything he couldn't turn his hand to. Of
late I had been training him for journalism, for the time seemed about right for a start
in the newspaper line; nothing big, but just a small weekly for experimental circulation
in my civilization nurseries. He took to it like a duck; there was an editor concealed in
him, sure. Already he had doubled himself in one way; he talked sixth century and wrote
nineteenth. His journalistic style was climbing, steadily; it was already up to the back
settlement Alabama mark, and couldn't be told from the editorial output of that region
either by matter or flavor.
We had another large departure on hand, too. This was a telegraph and a telephone; our
first venture in this line. These wires were for private service only, as yet, and must be
kept private until a riper day should come. We had a gang of men on the road, working
mainly by night. They were stringing ground wires; we were afraid to put up poles, for
they would attract too much inquiry. Ground wires were good enough, in both instances, for
my wires were protected by an insulation of my own invention which was perfect. My men had
orders to strike across country, avoiding roads, and establishing connection with any
considerable towns whose lights betrayed their presence, and leaving experts in charge.
Nobody could tell you how to find any place in the kingdom, for nobody ever went
intentionally to any place, but only struck it by accident in his wanderings, and then
generally left it without thinking to inquire what its name was. At one time and another
we had sent out topographical expeditions to survey and map the kingdom, but the priests
had always interfered and raised trouble. So we had given the thing up, for the present;
it would be poor wisdom to antagonize the Church.
As for the general
condition of the country, it was as it had been when I arrived in it, to all intents and
purposes. I had made changes, but they were necessarily slight, and they were not
noticeable. Thus far, I had not even meddled with taxation, outside of the taxes which
provided the royal revenues. I had systematized those, and put the service on an effective
and righteous basis. As a result, these revenues were already quadrupled, and yet the
burden was so much more equably distributed than before, that all the kingdom felt a sense
of relief, and the praises of my administration were hearty and general.
Personally, I struck an interruption, now, but I did not mind it, it could not have
happened at a better time. Earlier it could have annoyed me, but now everything was in
good hands and swimming right along. The king had reminded me several times, of late, that
the postponement I had asked for, four years before, had about run out now. It was a hint
that I ought to be starting out to seek adventures and get up a reputation of a size to
make me worthy of the honor of breaking a lance with Sir Sagramor, who was still out
grailing, but was being hunted for by various relief expeditions, and might be found any
year, now. So you see I was expecting this interruption; it did not take me by surprise.
The Celtic Hammer June 22, 1996